******* BE ENCOURAGED ********

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

This is from my online journal at kimkins -- this was DAY ONE -- scared, apprehensive but very hopeful! ahhhh memories!:

THIS MAY BE THE FIRST DAY OF THIS JOURNAL BUT IT IS CERTAINLY NOT MY FIRST DAY AT DIETING... OR LOW CARBING. This is my year, I can feel it.

Today is Monday. This first day of my work week. I guess in my first thread I need to give some background. I grew up hearing "If you could just lose 5 (or 10, 20 etc.) pounds you could be so pretty ... etc" I heard it so much that I could hear it in my head even when my mother wasn't speaking it. She never meant anything ugly by it, but she wasn't aware of the affect it had on me. NEVER quite good enough, never quite there, never quite perfect, etc etc. My short 5 foot frame showed every curve.

Here is the condensed version: graduated hs at 17 (115 lbs); married at 18 (130); pregnant at 19 (180 tops); mother at 20 (150); divorced at 21 (170); years of single craziness (180); remarried 4 years later (185); had second child (200); 2 years later had gastric stapling (225); ....watch this : divorce (125 - had lost 100 lbs); over next 5-6 years slowly gained (185); *opened my own business - a bakery (190); mom and bakery business partner died of cancer (225) ..... back to square one (and sold business).

*In 2002 I began looking into low carbing; even offered lowcarb baked goods at my store. I have done it all! hahahaha. bars/no bars, processed meats / clean meats, high fat/low fat, etc. (NOT to mention the hundreds of diets I've tried) BUT one thing that I tried that worked every single time was a thing called "meat and egg" hmmmm.

Now this is it. 2007 is my year. I am turning 50. If not now, when? I watched my mother become an "old woman" after she turned 50 - bad eating, weight struggles, no exercise, depression. I don't want to repeat that pattern. Something just "clicked" this year. There is a determination like I have NEVER experienced before. I am walking on the treadmill twice a day for 2 miles a day. I am enjoying "controlling" my food, as opposed to letting my emotions dictate the bad "comfort" choices for me. I choose. I pick. I decide. wow... empowerment.AND I feel so good. I have so much energy. :o

So.... bringing me up to today. I have my 33 oz bottle of water on my desk. I have my chicken breast thawing for lunch. I did my mile on the treadmill this morning. My clothes are loose. (my feet are cccold! - infact, I have been cold almost all weekend ... sigh ... losing my "layers" ;D ) Time to get to work and give the boss his due.

I have 5 more weeks to reach my first goal of 175, which will be that 50 pounds before I'm 50!!

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