******* BE ENCOURAGED ********

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

This is from my online journal at kimkins -- this was DAY ONE -- scared, apprehensive but very hopeful! ahhhh memories!:

THIS MAY BE THE FIRST DAY OF THIS JOURNAL BUT IT IS CERTAINLY NOT MY FIRST DAY AT DIETING... OR LOW CARBING. This is my year, I can feel it.

Today is Monday. This first day of my work week. I guess in my first thread I need to give some background. I grew up hearing "If you could just lose 5 (or 10, 20 etc.) pounds you could be so pretty ... etc" I heard it so much that I could hear it in my head even when my mother wasn't speaking it. She never meant anything ugly by it, but she wasn't aware of the affect it had on me. NEVER quite good enough, never quite there, never quite perfect, etc etc. My short 5 foot frame showed every curve.

Here is the condensed version: graduated hs at 17 (115 lbs); married at 18 (130); pregnant at 19 (180 tops); mother at 20 (150); divorced at 21 (170); years of single craziness (180); remarried 4 years later (185); had second child (200); 2 years later had gastric stapling (225); ....watch this : divorce (125 - had lost 100 lbs); over next 5-6 years slowly gained (185); *opened my own business - a bakery (190); mom and bakery business partner died of cancer (225) ..... back to square one (and sold business).

*In 2002 I began looking into low carbing; even offered lowcarb baked goods at my store. I have done it all! hahahaha. bars/no bars, processed meats / clean meats, high fat/low fat, etc. (NOT to mention the hundreds of diets I've tried) BUT one thing that I tried that worked every single time was a thing called "meat and egg" hmmmm.

Now this is it. 2007 is my year. I am turning 50. If not now, when? I watched my mother become an "old woman" after she turned 50 - bad eating, weight struggles, no exercise, depression. I don't want to repeat that pattern. Something just "clicked" this year. There is a determination like I have NEVER experienced before. I am walking on the treadmill twice a day for 2 miles a day. I am enjoying "controlling" my food, as opposed to letting my emotions dictate the bad "comfort" choices for me. I choose. I pick. I decide. wow... empowerment.AND I feel so good. I have so much energy. :o

So.... bringing me up to today. I have my 33 oz bottle of water on my desk. I have my chicken breast thawing for lunch. I did my mile on the treadmill this morning. My clothes are loose. (my feet are cccold! - infact, I have been cold almost all weekend ... sigh ... losing my "layers" ;D ) Time to get to work and give the boss his due.

I have 5 more weeks to reach my first goal of 175, which will be that 50 pounds before I'm 50!!

Egg Salad -- PERFECT food!

The reason I eat so much egg salad is because it is VERY easy to just boil up a bunch of eggs and grab 3 out of the fridge before heading off to work. It is an EASY lunch... or quick grab. BUT WARNING!!! STINKY FOOD!!! I usually light a candle in the office kitchen before I start making it... otherwise the co-workers are coming out of their offices asking, "What's that smeeellll??!?!?! ewwww?!?!" .... sissies! They must not have raised boys... there are worse smells!

MY EGG SALAD
1 whole egg, 2 egg whites
1 TBS Lite Mayo (not Salad Dressing... I'm a "mayo" purist)
1 TBS mustard
1 TBS of chopped dill pickle
dash of pepper & salt

and sometimes instead of dill pickle...1 TBS Picante Sauce (sometimes... optional)

and sometimes instead of lite mayo...1 TBS Light Done Right Ranch Dressing

My Pacifier

I've been bouncing up and down with my weight at my own "choosing" (eating off plan, out of town trips, etc). I've been serious now for the past couple of weeks and finally saw 149 flash briefly for a day... now, as usual, I will bounce up and down for 2 days until the next whoosh. I was elated to see 149... but also sort of frustrated that I ALWAYS bounce up and down for a few days before it goes down and stays.

Anyway.... it is SO true that it takes LESS FOOD when you weigh less. That has taken some adjusting for me. I'm not satisfied with 6 shrimp.... I want 2 dozen!! (LOVE shrimp). BUT that "satisfaction" is MENTAL... not physical. My body has it's fuel, buy my emotions want attention too! Isn't that interesting? One of the "tricks" that I have been doing.... that I never did before.... is making my beverage part of the "dining experience". I noticed in Kimmer's fitday journal that she always listed some sort of flavored beverage with her meals. My drink was always just an afterthought so I wouldn't choke if I was wolfing the food down too quickly. NOW... I plan the beverage just like I would the rest of the meals. That is something that I can keep sipping on and that fills me the rest of the way up. ( I guess it is sort of like the "pacifier" for the baby when the baby has already finished the bottle and wants to keep sucking! hahahahaha ... there it is! That's where it all came from! hehehehee)

One goal (of many) -- DRINK MORE THAN YOU EAT.

Favorite beverages:
1. Hazelnut & Cinnamon Latte
2. Designer Whey Chocolate Protein Frozen Blender Shake (meal replacement)
3. Crystal Light Grape Drink OR Lemonade
4. Diet Dr. Pepper with a splash of half & half
5. Diet Rootbeer Blender shake with a scoop of Vanilla Protein powder
6. Water with Lime
7. Peppermint Herbal Tea (iced)