The last two months have been a whirlwind for me. I’ve been exhilarated and I have been broken. I have been to the mountain top and then through the wringer. I have gotten to do some things that I thought I would never do again, but I have also seen some things that broke my heart. I was accepted then dumped. I was praised and then trashed.
So what happened? (I honestly have NO idea because those involved chose to NOT communicate at all. Too bad.)
However, it is too much and too personal to go into here, but perhaps it is still all just a part of trying on this new body and trying to wrap my brain around it. When someone called me “tiny” it actually made me feel scared. Why? I do not exactly know, but being this size has brought a lot of new feelings, thoughts, and emotions, ESPECIALLY in how I handle things.
Just so odd.
So I am trying to turn my thoughts around. I am actively, purposefully cleaning my "house" – I am sweeping out those things that plague my mind. I am giving away those things that no longer fit in my life (no matter how hard I tried to alter them, pin them, and repurpose them - and I am not talking about clothes). I am making the choices daily to keep my thoughts focused on what is constructive. If I feel like I am being sucked into a pit, I crank up a song that I like that will make me want to dance. If I feel sadness begin to pour over me, I text my friends – AND thank you very much Kim Eidson, Ailsa Washington, Debbie Hubbs, and dear Carb Tripper. If I start to feel lonely, I go see my sisters – thank you, Marilyn Little and Sandy Dunn. But most of all, I remember the man that has stayed with me for almost 20 years and never kicked me to the curb – thank you, Ron Gandy.
Somehow on my journey I lost sight of those who have remained beside me and supported me. I confess that I was ready to turn my world upside down and take off, leaving everything behind. I was making preparation for that.
But suddenly … I was given a wake-up call.
I made a conscience decision to look at what I have and NOT what I do not have.
I have a wonderful gift right in my hands – LOVE and LIFE – and I cherish them.
Merry Christmas! ... and now back to business.