REGANDY.... the weigh down!

AND... at 20!

2011-07-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

So... actually 19.8, but I wanna call it 20 pounds gone.

It is NOT a joy ride.

It is NOT fun.

It is NOT easy peasy.

It is hard work. It takes determination. I have to think about food constantly - type of nutrient, amount to consume, limit to total daily consumption.

I was thinking about the mind-set of "eat all the protein you want to feel satisfied". I have said it before, "satisfaction" with food finds no end. I have discovered that this rule does NOT apply to me. I cannot eat 4 eggs & 1/2 pound of bacon for breakfast, followed by a protein shake, with 2 cups of Tuna Salad & a bag of pork rinds, followed by a protein shake, and a full T-bone steak, slathered in butter for dinner, with a protein shake & strawberries for dessert. YEP - all in one day. Low Carb? Heck yeah -- TOO MUCH? Heck yeah.

I was eating like my 6-4 hubby who is a PE coach and walks 5-10 miles a day! (I sit at a desk and my exercise is walking to the printer! lol)

So now - One egg & 2-3 strips of bacon. Stop.
1 cup tuna salad & a couple of pork rinds. Stop.
1 petite cut sirloin, small vegetable. Stop.
and MAYBE a few strawberries for dessert.

My body is responding - likes this.

So I downloaded "The Paleo Solution" on my iPhone and realized - HEY! I'm kinda, sorta eating Paleo! (no dairy).

So if you are like me, and you have been "doing" low carb on and off for YEARS, well... face the truth... What are your portion sizes?

TODAY I AM A "TEN"

2011-06-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

TEN

Today I am 10 pounds down since getting home from the cruise.

I call these "sweat" pounds (as opposed to sweet pounds) because of moving and not having groceries in the house. hahahaha I should write a book on that and label it my new diet plan -- "The Moving Empty Fridge Diet". lol.

What is funnier is that when I did buy groceries I ended up spending almost $200 -- and there are only 2 of us at home now! I haven't spent that since I had all the kiddos at home. One thing about it, we shall not run out of butter any time soon. I bought the FOURTH pound of organic, unsalted butter and placed it on the shelf with the other 3 pounds. lol. I really need to make a bernaise sauce and use some of that up!

OH! Oh! OH! I bought some really cheap "soup meat" that had the bone in it. You know what that means?!?? Bone Marrow! I have not had that since I was a child! I used to love love love that part of the meat. Granted it was only about 1/2 a teaspoons worth, but it tasted so awesome. I steamed the rest of the meat and it was nice and tender. Yum. Yum.

Jimmy Moore always says, "Find what works for you and then DO IT!" Well, I love Jimmy and I've finally listened to him. What works for me is HIGHER fat combined with LOWER calories. It is NOT just a matter of eating fat, cutting carbs. I like VOLUME... and it has finally dawned on me after years of slowly creeping back up with my weight, all the while eating low carb, that there was a missing element. I CANNOT eat as much as my 6-4, 240 lb husband. Besides he is VERY active as PE Coach. He keeps the lawn mowed, the sidewalks swept, the ceiling fans dusted, and manages to also put in 2 to 5 miles a day on the treadmill. He does all of that just to wear himself out enough to sleep at night. He has an incredible amount of energy.

SO, back to the calorie thing -- NO, I'm not being strict with it. I've just set a range. I want to make SURE I'm getting at least 1,000 to 1,200 calories per day, but not MORE THAN 1,500 to 1,700. I use fitday. (Note: I am only 5 ft tall and actually small boned). AND it is all protein & fat, with occasionally a cup of greek yogurt when I feel the need for sweet, creamy comfort. :D

This works for me... and I'm DOING IT!!

(Thanks, Your Royal Jimmyness!)

Numbers

2011-05-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

LESS - Numbers of carbs.
MORE - Numbers of protein.
LESS - Numbers of calories.
MORE - Numbers of fat grams.
LESS - Numbers on the scale.

Higher fat + LOW carbs + higher protien = lower number on the scale

... and getting back into my size 14's just a little better.

SEVEN!!!

Dropped 2 more pounds.

BUT, I am watching my calories in combination with all of this. It has been VERY hard because fats are a lot higher in calories. The trick for me has been to line them out in the morning, and then spread them out throughout the day, so not to get hungry.

My favorite things are just plain old eggs & butter. Followed by broiled chicken thighs & roasted asparagus. I am avoiding all cheese and anything processed.

THIS HAS NOT BEEN EASY. It has taken a LOT of "paying attention" and denying myself things that I really want. I LOVE cream in my coffee, but I am slowly backing off of that because of the calories.

As long as I stay under 1,500 calories I seem to be losing. With my 5 foot frame, 1,200-1,400 seems to be a sweet spot.

I'm still having a few headaches occasionally, but that might be due to the high stress (moved, had a new grandchild, husband is starting a new job, etc). Energy level comes and goes. I suppose I have more energy than a month ago, but still get fatigue pretty easy right now.

SEVEN... nice number. :D

LCHF Continues...

2011-05-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

Well -- dropped another pound. Not too bad. At least the scale is moving in the right direction.

I have been concerned about vitamins and nutrients. Perhaps it is "old" thinking, but I just don't want to do further damage to my already taxed body. I want to be as good to it as I can so that it will see me through to the end. :D In addition to my regular multi-vitamin I have added extra B Complex.

I'm feeling pretty good. Sleeping through the night has been an issue, but that can be attributed to just having a lot on my mind. The move, the trip, the job, the spouse, and such like to creep into my thinking about 3am. lol. This too shall pass.

I had a WONDERFUL meal yesterday at my sister's house. They had grilled steaks, mushrooms, & made a huge fresh salad. I started out splitting a New York Strip with my sister, BUT my nephew had cut off the "meat" part of a T-bone and left the bone. THAT IS CAVIAR TO ME!! I quickly went for the T-bone "scrap". I LOVE to "gnaw the bone", as we like to say in these parts. hahaha Delish!!

I've been lazy and trying to just grab whatever I can fit into LCHF from the Deli downstairs in my office building. Well this morning I actually packed a lunch at home. Hormel all-natural Turkey slices wrapped around mayo & a pickle (made a couple of these). I also brought some plain Greek Yogurt. I have not been able to wean myself off Splenda - I like to put a packet in the Yogurt.

So... for the first 2 weeks of LCHF, 5 total pounds isn't shabby. I made it through the first "2 week's wall". As I have experienced before, the next wall usually occurs at 6 weeks, and then again around 12 weeks. If I can make it over each of these hurdles... SCUSE ME!!!!!!... WHEN I make it over each of these hurdles, I will be thrilled.

What I am eating:
Eggs
Bacon
Beef
Chicken
Shrimp
Fish
Cream
Butter

..... and occasionally .....
Asparagus
Broccoli
Cauliflower
Lettuce
Cucumbers

Routines

2011-05-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

Routines are good. Routines are survival.

I've been practicing LCHF since returning from the cruise. Losses have been VERY slow, but losses nonetheless. In 2 weeks I have lost 4 pounds.

But I'm questioning the "eat all you want". All I want? Really? I want more than my tummy will hold. lol. Portion size HAS to play into the equation. I cannot eat like my 6'-4" hubby with my 5' frame. That is common sense. So.. my conclusion is that my portion sizes have just been too large.

TEA CUP EXAMPLE: I inherited my mother's tea cup collection. It is beautiful and contains cups from all over the world. Each one tells a story. During my recent move, the box of cups got dropped and I lost 4 of them (different sad story...) but I got to looking over each and every cup again ... something I had not done in quite a while. I remember when and where most of them were purchased. Tea cups are small ... and the OLDER they are the smaller they seem to be. Hmmmm... observation.

One of the cups from France is dated 1905. It looks like it could hold about 1/2 to 1/4 cup of tea. THAT was normal. I held it in my hand and thought about how it must have felt to sip tea with a friend. I wondered what tiny delicacies were served with the tiny cups.. probably at a small table in delicate chairs.

NOW we have Route 44 Sonic cups, Big Gulps, & Super Size drinks. I know people that have to have a couple of those every single day. Never mind the fact that it might be a diet soda or unsweet tea -- but just the SIZE! AND those are not sipped, they are slurped. Those are not shared at a table with friends. They are guzzled in the car while speeding to the next destination.

Think about it!! NOW everything is so much larger; portions have to be bigger than the last. People want the MOST for their money. AND boy are we praying a "huge" price!

SHOOT..... take me back to the 50 cent burgers, and make it fit on one small saucer. That would be just fine with me! Give me a normal sized piece of chicken, instead of the hormone plumbed mutant leg! Do we really NEED so much food?

So back to routine -- I'm thinking:

----- EAT LESS, BUT EAT GOOOOOOOOD! -----

Goal -- make it a routine to eat smaller portions of really good food. :D ... and be satisfied and thankful!

LCHF

2011-05-13T16:59:00.000-07:00

... this is a dream come true.

As a child I LOVED the marrow part of the steak. I preferred dark meat chicken. I loved butter, olive oil, and all of those things that later became taboo.

hmmmmmm!!!

And now? I can eat REAL food again. It is hard to retrain your thinking. It can be hard ... I find myself still a little fearful of so much dietary fat.

OUTCOME? ... 3 days, lost 2 pounds.

I think I like this.

2011 4th Annual Low Carb Cruise

2011-05-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

We are back and we are good. The cruise for 2011 was fantastic. Almost everyone had totally positive things to say. Almost.

Back story: The months leading up to departure were some of the hardest times I had experienced in a very long time. My job responsibilities increased, and our company grew! We had to place my elderly father in an assisted living facility. I was commuting home every weekend and living with my sister during the week. I decided to get an apartment so that my husband could stay over (he has a crazy schedule). THEN 2 weeks prior to sailing, my father got very ill and we almost thought he was going to die. I was making mental plans as to who could handle the cruise in my absence. Also my oldest son found out that he has degenerative bone disease in both knees and cannot get surgery. He may end up in a wheelchair soon. AND my son & daughter-in-law were expecting their 2nd child about the time we would be on the cruise. ALL of this within the last couple of months before we sailed. It was SO STRESSFUL.

What do stressful people do? ... Well, what do stressful, dieters do?

And thus the "almost" positive feedback.

YES folks, I fell. After an exhausting year, exhausting week, sleepless night, AND total disgust with my self, I plunged face first into a plate of French toast with REGULAR syrup the next morning. AND got caught. I had forgotten to give my "no carb police" speech and the "everyone is at a different point in the journey and dealing with all kinds of issues" speech. Also the "Make love, not judgement" speech.

Judge says: "I saw Becky eating French Toast with syrup!!!... and NOT the sugar free kind!!" (lights begin to flash, sirens blare!! BUSTED!!)

Okay... hahaha...

... fun over. This hurt. Hurt deeply. I find it so odd that I felt the sting like I did, especially coming from someone I didn't really know at all. Almost a complete stranger.

Like an addict struggling to be free of the addiction... Like a junkie crying while shooting up... trust me, I was crucifying myself enough for everyone. Sad but true. What in the world was I thinking?!?? Well, folks, what was happening in my brain while I was partaking of the evil? I was thinking about taking care of my sick father who could not stand up and had to be put in diapers... which triggered my memories of my mother dying of cancer. I remembered when she tried to get up to go to the bathroom by herself and I had to catch her before she fell. She lost all bowel control and it was all over me. The French toast was NOTHING in comparison to what I was feeling that morning.

BTW - The French toast was comfort for the moment. Something my mother used to make for me. (AND the only morning they served it on the ship!) I think it was an evil set-up! I was framed!!!

The cruise has always been about the love, friendship, and support. The information received, while excellent, was almost secondary to the support. Don't get me wrong - the information is FANTASTIC and the speakers are indescribably compassionate and giving people. BUT I want to get the support among the cruisers back. I suppose being a female, it is only natural to want the nurture back.

I understand the critical thinking and the judgement. I understand when people only see half of the story and make comments based upon incomplete information. Not much different than some "church" folks that always want to tell the Pastor what he should be doing. I am upset, but not mad. I am dissapointed, but not discouraged. I am embarrased, but not dissuaded.

Some would argue that as the group leader I should be a shining example. I SO wish that were true... I would LOVE to not struggle with emotional eating, stress eating, or dieting. BUT alas, I am who I am... human. A real, honest struggling fat person. My job/role is NOT as an example, but rather a supporter, a lover, a friend, a comrade, a willing heart, and willing hand. I will NOT judge you. I will NOT scold you. I will only love and appreciate you. I forgive you because you just didn't know how deeply I was hurting that morning.

I have made some GREAT friends and AWESOME volunteers. I have met some really really sweet and supportive people. Lots of love. So one negative comment out of 100 positive ones, wasn't bad, but still disappointing. I know I cannot please everyone, but my nature is to always try.

So... as an overweight, struggling food addict please pardon my imperfections while I continue to try to find the smooth path to weight loss. Please forgive me for not meeting YOUR expectations. It is, after all, a journey -- NOT a destination. I have not arrived.

So... here is to the 5th Annual Low Carb Cruise on May 6th, 2012! See you in MY backyard... Galveston. I am on my "A-game" again. I am ruminating on what I have learned. I have a new determination. I am trying LCHF. I have made NEW friends along the way.

THIS ONE IS GOING TO BE THE BEST ONE!!!

LESSONS FROM THE CRUISE and FAMILY SUPPORT

2010-04-19T13:19:00.001-07:00

The cruise was great. The guests and the speakers were wonderful. I'm not so crazy about the Bahamas -- overcast, cold water, very little free access to the beach, no steel drums, etc. But our days at sea with the conferences were awesome! Words cannot express how enouraging and enlightening they are. I couldn't pick a favorite because each person brought something different to the table.

So ... came back from the cruise vowing to not let myself go on another cruise EVER again if I did not take control and lose weight. I've been sort of fluctuating with 15 pounds for over a year now. It is time to kick it over the hump and move on down the road. I am dedicating the rest of the year (until the NEXT cruise in 2011) to getting myself together. No weight "goal", but rather a "health" goal -- and the weight should follow!! lol (yeah... right... you KNOW I've got that perfect number in my head... lol..)

What has been really fun is that my sweet family has taken up the torch and we are all working on this together! My youngest son, on his own, lost over 30 pounds eating low carb and exercising 2x a day. He encouraged us all of us to join him. He is part of the "Pound for Pound" challenge through Biggest Loser, but I have to admit, I'm not exactly sure how that works.

We started out in mid March 2010 at a total weight of 1,234 pounds. We have a "secret" facebook group page and we post our recipes, menus, & challenges. As of today (4/19/10) we are at 1,157 pounds -- WE HAVE LOST A TOTAL OF 76.5 POUNDS! That is so cool. There is six of us -- my husband, my 2 sons, my daughter, my daughter-in-law, and of course, moi.

An interesting observation is that even when one of us doesn't lose one week, or even has a slight gain, the total weight keeps us motivated. It's the "team work" concept I suppose. It is almost as if we are working hard just in case we need to "be the pound" for someone else. lol.

Our goal is to lose 100 pounds by June. We will do it. And then, next cruise, I will be back in my "comfort" level weight wise.

The Biggest Loser is an inspiration!

2010-01-14T07:09:00.000-08:00

*************************

Well, folks, I’m doing it. I am working out. Three days a week I go to a TEAM fitness class of 10 other women. We have a group trainer who takes us through various exercises. So far so good.

Then this week I decided to kick it up a notch. WHY? … because I have watched The Biggest Loser a few times. I have watched these people – all well over 200 pounds, and most over 300 pounds – work out like crazy. I have watched them cry and fall and sweat and give up and start over and be PUSHED beyond what I would do. Pushed. Pushed to lose 5 to 25 pounds a WEEK! A WEEK!!!!! I would like to be pushed like that.

So I am kicking it up a notch and getting inspired. I have added another day to my routine. Then in a couple of weeks, I will add another day, with my goal being to work out 5 days a week. We have been told that we need to allow time for our bodies to “rest” – do I see them doing that on the ranch? No. BUT what I do see is variety. They just keep being active. I get LOTS of rest on the weekends, and I actually sleep deeper at night. So I get rest -- but not like I USED to think I had to rest.

I was especially moved when Jillian helped a woman overcome her fear of water. Jillian pushed her to realize that it was all mental – as was my fear of working out at the gym. ALL MENTAL. If you get a chance, go to The Biggest Loser website and review some of the stories. They are very inspirational.

Looking back I would have to say that the WORST year of my "diet" life was when I got all caught up in a diet scam that took a toll on my health. “Kimkins” was NOT good, especially for my time of life. I was going through great metabolic changes in my body because of my age and the things that I did only speeded up the aging process – NOT helping it. I damaged a lot of my body systems and it has taken an enormous effort to pull back out of it. Just remember – Heidi Diaz lied about everything, including who she was.

Anyway, back to the point – It has to be done. Exercise must be included. BUT it is NOT NOT NOT about weight loss. In my opinion, exercise cannot be grouped with "diet". Diet (what you eat) is about fueling the machine. Exercise (activity) is about keeping the fluids flowing in the machine. Exercising does NOT fuel the machine. Diet does NOT "RUN" the engine. It’s like the difference between gasoline and oil – they both help the car, but one is the fuel and one is the lubricant. Lubricant and no fuel? The engine simply will not run. Fuel and no lubricant? The engine will freeze up. Your body needs the combination of both.

Realistically I am NOT looking at exercise to lose weight… BUT I am hoping that the activity will loosen these stiff joints, awaken the blood flow, and give me back some energy…. Oh, and help my metabolism be a better burning machine.

I avoided it for a very long time – I can’t do that anymore.

If not now, when?

Better, Better, Best -- 2010

2010-01-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

Well, the thyroid meds are working.

Have I lost a bunch of weight? No

BUT... I just feel different now. I quit gaining, which is fantastic. It is a horrible feeling to be dieting and GAINING weight. That is one of the ways that I know the meds are working is because I have quit gaining.

Actually I have started losing again -- slowly, but losing feels much better.

I have changed doctors (because of insurance) and I had a little struggle trying to convince the new doctor that I was on a good routine and that it was working. He was very skeptical, but agreed to keep up the meds. I am supposed to go back in February for a follow-up. I think that he will be pleasantly surprised.

With the "physical obstacles" dealt with, it is time to move on to the next phase -- EXERCISE.

I probably hate exercising MORE than the average person. I never had brothers to compete with. I never was involved in any physical activity -- except baton twirling! :D I hated gym class with a passion - which prompted me to sign up to work in the office instead (this was allowed back then). Hate it hate it hate it. I even dislike watching it on TV.

So... at my age, the only ONLY thing that affects the metabolism as much as needed is EXERCISE. I like dancing - especially clog dancing, but I do not have the time to devote to it. I am already paying for a gym membership that I am not using (Isn't everyone? -- or at least ALMOST everyone?)

So last week I made a decision to bite the bullet and try to incorporate it into my life. It will be a necessary evil. It will be like a huge horse pill or hypodermic shot I have to take daily. It will be like smashing my face into a brick wall every day. ugh. It brings up every bit of fear & rebellion within me.

EXERCISE is everything I hate/abhor/fear -- competition, body image, and routine.

Gee... sounds like I'm ready, doesn't it?

I don't know how I am going to do it. I don't know how long I can choke down the fear and feeling of inferiority, age, body image, etc.. but I packed my gym back this morning.

It is in my car and ready for me to drive from work to the gym.

And I will be there with the millions who have made their resolutions. UGH -- I hate that! I do not like to be typical. It makes me want to rebel. hahaha I supposed I will have to look forward to plugging in my headphones, blocking out the rest of the world, and just do it...

for me.

THINNING THYROID

2009-07-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

FACT ONE: The thyroid controls how quickly the body burns energy, makes proteins, and how sensitive the body should be to other hormones.

These are the results of my test:
---- T3 - 29 pg/mL .... (normal is between 30-35)
---- T4 - 9.7 mg/dL .... (normal is between 10-12)
---- Free T4 - 2.8 NG/DL .... (normal is between 3.5-4.0)
---- THS - 3.05 .... (normal is 0.4-3.0 (being over is not good)

Hormones? ... practically non-exsistent:
---- Estradiol - 26 pg/ml - (normal is 90-250)
---- Progesterone - <0.5> - (normal is 8-10)
---- Testosterone - <20> - (normal is 40-60)

NO FREAKING WONDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And this is interesting (part of this article

http://www.masoncountynews.com/news/article/16135)

The thyroid gland is the body’s internal thermostat, regulating the temperature and controlling how quickly the body burns calories and uses energy. If the thyroid is overactive and secretes too much hormone, the condition is known as hyperthyroid. If the thyroid is underactive and secretes too little hormone, the condition is called hypothryroid.

Hypothyroidism affects about 13 million people in the United States. About 90% of these are women. Thyroid imbalances are not always easy to recognize. Stress, depression, anxiety, tiredness and other emotional or mental states can mask a thyroid imbalance. Minimal imbalances in the thyroid gland can significantly affect mental and physical health.
Symptoms of thyroid imbalance include: fatigue or exhaustion; irritability and impatience; feeling too hot or too cold; depression, anxiety, or panic attacks; dry skin or hair; hair loss; mood swings; frequent memory lapses; inability to concentrate; unexplained weight gain or loss; loss of enthusiasm for life; and insomnia.

Women from 30 to 50 years of age are the most likely to develop hypothyroidism. The most common reason for hypothyroidism is estrogen/progesterone imbalance. Estrogen interferes with thyroid hormones, while progesterone facilitates normal action of the thyroid hormones. As women approach menopause, they have a tendency to cease producing progesterone, the hormone that balances and complements the estrogen produced by the body. Even though estrogen levels in the body are lower during this time, it the ratio between estrogen and progesterone that is important.

gaaaackkk... so now that I am digesting this, I am waiting for the meds to kick in.

Gonna feel better any minute now.

Blogs

2009-07-15T12:14:00.001-07:00

What is the purpose of a blog?

Is there a reason to suppose that anyone reads yours?

What makes it relevant?

What makes it MORE than just a journal?

I suppose it needs to be informative, up to date, and worth spending the time reading.

BUT if you are just an average person, with an average life, does it really do any good to post?

I suppose for my own "history", it is okay. I can see the changes through the years.

I view other blogs because they have a variety of different things - recipes, news reports, and activities. So that is kind of cool.

SO HERE IS THE REASON FOR MY BLOG: _________

Well, that didn't work.

hummmm

SO HERE IS THE PURPOSE OF MY BLOG: ... Challenges.

Right now my challenge is my thyroid. So I think I will blog about that for a while.

Okay -- that is done.

Next.

Reflections of the Years Gone By

2009-07-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

Since Kimkins... Since turning 50... I have had a really hard struggle with my weight.

Last week I went to a Health & Wellness center where they did some blood work for thyroid function and hormone levels.

I have low thyroid numbers, and even lower hormone levels. NO WONDER I HAVE FELT SO LOUSY!!

I started taking meds for these things and hope that within a month I will feel like my old self again AND begin to get the weight off. I have been "doing" low carb for the most part, except for those times that I throw myself huge pity parties and invite the Sugar Monster. BUT seriously for the most part, I have been strict with my low carb regimen. NO losses - weight or inches. It has been VERY frustrating.

I have been eating between 1,200 & 1,400 calories per day (sometimes a little more) which is good for my height & age & activity level. I make sure that I get a good balance - 60% fat, 10% carbs, 30% protein (usually within 5% margins). I drink plenty of water.

SO

Surely the thyroid and hormone issues will get under control and the scale will start moving again.

I AM NOT GIVING UP -- Even when I get there.

ABOUT THE PEOPLE -- wonderful & amazing

2009-01-28T10:23:00.000-08:00

I just didn't think I would meet a nicer bunch of people from the 2007 group! 2007 cruise was VERY special. I was a little bit nervous because we had mostly ALL NEW people on the 2008 cruise and most of them I had never had any contact with online. They were strangers to me.

They were GREAT!

So now my goal is to get both groups together! hahaha

YOU READY FOR THIS?

MARCH 6 - 12, 2010 -- out of JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA --
to NASSAU & BAHAMAS !!!

Start saving your money now!

CRUISE REVIEW - about the ship

2009-01-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

This was my 3rd group cruise with Carnival on the Ecstasy. The past two cruises were excellent. We had perfect service, friendly staff, and wonderful food. I am sorry to say that this year’s cruise was VERY different.

I am the group coordinator and had some communication problems with my travel agent from the beginning. I will NOT use that company again. I also NEVER met the Group Manager on-board until the last day at sea when I went and FOUND her and introduced myself. She acted offended when I asked her if she was the Group Manager. Previously, they always came by my cabin and introduced themselves. It was just very different.

In Carnival’s defense I will say that they have JUST returned to the Galveston port after Hurricane Ike and they are also getting ready to launch the Carnival Conquest to sail out of Galveston. These two issues probably played a factor in these problems.

So, the first issue was that the ship was late getting to port. All of the travelers had to sit around the terminal until after 3:00pm before we were allowed on the ship. Most of us had arrived a little before noon anticipating the GREAT food on the Lido deck. There were NO food services or even water. Since the hurricane had closed many of the facilities around the port of Galveston, the only place for the 1,000 plus passengers to go was the small Starbucks across the street. I was glad I had brought a jar of nuts to snack on.

I remember the first time I went on a cruise and stepped into the Atrium lobby. It was a magnificent sight and I was in awe of the size of the ship. For some strange unknown reason, THIS time we boarded on a different level and were not greeted with the usual “party” atmosphere. I thought perhaps it was because there was some sort of trouble causing the delays, etc. USUALLY there were waiters with pretty trays of drinks and music playing and lots of smiles. Did not see that and I was a little dissapointed.

By the time we got to our room, grabbed the life preservers, and finished muster, we only had 30 minutes to get ready for dinner. So the first evening meal found many tired & gritty passengers. Comparing the service THIS time to my previous experiences, it was more “distant” and impersonal. On my previous Carnival Cruises, we got to know our waiter and his assistant and anxiously tipped them well. THIS time we had to wait for our orders to be taken, call for the wine steward (several times) and wait for the order, and it seemed like a longer than usual time for our food to arrive. AGAIN, I thought perhaps it was related to the initial ship delay and would get better the next night. Our waiter was nice enough, but he just wasn’t “there” all the time like before. The food was good, but often cold.

Previously the Cruise Directors were a little more vocal and visible, but not so much this year. It’s kind of interesting that the first cruise director was “perfect”, second cruise director was TOO much, and this third cruise director was invisible. Just an interesting observation. Most of the time I did not know what was going on and had to be SURE I did not leave my cabin without the schedule of events.

Concerning our room steward, again the room was always clean, but we never saw them. On previous experiences the steward introduced himself and was always available to answer questions and help out. We NEVER saw our steward – only evidence that he had been there. To some people that might be ideal, but I missed the personal touch.

I did have a GREAT time at the Spa. This was the first time that I had my hair done onboard and it was wonderful. Previously I was nervous about letting someone fix my hair because I did not know their experience level. I was hesitant to waste money on something I might not like. That was a totally wrong perception because I watched them do hair on other guests, including my own and everyone was very happy with the results. I LOVED my hair and especially the treatment I received. THEY made me feel special and it felt like the “other” cruises! This is something I would do again! GREAT experience.

Our first port was Progresso. I was surprised that we had to be back on the ship by 2:30pm. That seemed way too short of a time. I wondered about some of those LONG excursions (like Chichen Itza) and hoped they would make it back in time. We did hear a rumor that 10 people did NOT make it back and had to ride on the other cruise ship that was in port to meet up with us in Cozumel.

My opinion was that January was too early to cruise because the water was too cold to enjoy. I loved the shopping and just walking around town, but I would have preferred to go a month or so later when it would have been a little warmer. We went to the same restaurant we went to last year because they had a wonderful dish of grilled calamari and garlic. They waiter told us they had it and we all sat down and ordered. THEN the waiter came out and said that they were out of the calamari so we had to change our orders. The food was okay… but again, the atmosphere was different. This was also probably due to it being too early in the season.

One day we all decided to go to the dining room for lunch instead of the grill. I ordered the fried fish. I was disappointed that it was 3 “fish sticks” – the kind you get from the grocery store. I will not do that again. Other people got the ribs and said that they were good. Generally though, it was another bad experience with slow service, grouchy lunch companions, rude waiter, & cold food. This is VERY unusual for this cruise ship.

Well, this was not the BEST cruise I have ever been on, BUT it will not stop me from going again. Next year we are all going to try a different port and a different ship. I just choose to think that everyone has a bad day occasionally – and this was the Ecstasy’s bad week.

DIET WARS CONTINUE

2008-12-19T14:49:00.001-08:00

Still dieting. Still fighting the good fight. And winning.

That's all.

Just hadn't posted in a while so took a moment to catch up.

2009 Low Carb Community Cruise

2008-05-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

IF you have not heard about it already, we are planning another cruise. With the help of some LC friends, we are making plans to make next years cruise a very special event. If you need more information you can look at the Question and Answer section at HERE ON THIS SITE. IF you KNOW that you would like to go then you can go directly HERE TO SIGN UP.

THE FIRST DEPOSIT IS ONLY $50 if you sign up before May 21st. After that date the deposit will be $250.

In addition to Dr. Jonny Bowden coming on the cruise, we've also secured two more BIG low-carb experts: low-carb researcher and clinician Dr. Eric Westman from Duke University and Jackie Eberstein who worked with Dr. Atkins for three decades. This is HUGE to have these giants in the low-carb world coming with us, so SIGN UP TODAY!!!

It is my hope that this turns in to a type of Low Carb Convention for all of us internet diet fanatics! ;) There should be a LOT of good, solid information and hopefully some literature, freebies, and just a lot of fun.

I REALLY HOPE YOU CAN JOIN US!!

Tools for Losing and Self-control

2008-05-02T06:39:00.000-07:00

I'm still trying to "lose" weight... still. I know that we talk about doing this for the rest of our life, but sometimes you just wish for a little break in the battle. BUT a break in the battle, so far, has always meant a 5 pound gain. So I am back up 25 pounds -- out of 80 pounds total loss. Not good. If it was a 10 pound "playground" that would be different, but I have let it get way out of hand. that is enough weight to mean a new wardrobe. NO! I refuse.

So, I'm not making a big deal about it, but I had to find SOMETHING that will give me direction. I have eating issues. I cannot trust myself. I am NOT a "thin eater" and have an emotional eating disorder -- stress, pressure, emotions, ... any excuse to indulge. I am experimenting with a "lower carb" version of Weight Watchers. For me, just to add more carbs to my diet wasn't enough structure. I was eating mindlessly. I was eating compulsively. At least Weight Watchers will put some brakes on this out of control appetite. Yeah, it is slow ... but it is ONLY 25 pounds and it is NOT a race.

I have a lot of healing to do. Healing of my metabolism and my attitudes toward foods. I've been doing the old "starve" & "binge" thing. I need structure and routine. WW can provide that.

How long will I do this? As long as I can. I got so tired of eggs, tuna, and chicken. I craved an apple. I was craving foods that I would not allow myself to eat. Now I have a guide. Change is good. Good to know that I am not giving up.

THIS IS THE LONGEST I HAVE EVER KEPT FIGHTING. This is the longest time I have ever not given up. Now that is a great change!

What do you do when someone hurts a friend?

2008-04-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

Anyone? What can you do?

There are some people "just posting questions" on their own personal blogs ... They say that they are just innocently being curious. In their questions they have deeply hurt a friend of mine. Questions have been worded that could be easily misconstrued as accusations and inuendos. The Questions have been rearranged and reworded and submitted over and over again. Anyone who attempts to answer is accused of "worship" of my friend. Anyone who attempts to offer ANY kind of reply that isn't in line to being "accusatory" is promptly bashed or questioned in a negative way also. And there are comments that make NO sense at all.

It's not right. It's just flat mean. It's hate-filled.

BECAUSE I've seen person after person try to reply to no avail. I've seen person after person post and it just gets more hurtful. Why would someone want to hurt others so much? I have heard that "hurting people" are the ones who hurt people. Well this hurting person has RIPPED another to pieces with "questions".

It was the idea and desire for the 2009 Low Carb Community Cruise to pull the Low Carb Community together for support for each other. The people on the last cruise just really felt a strong connection and we want to share that feeling. Several people have agreed to help me work hard towards that end. We have been trying to get the word out for those that might be able to do it. We've talked about being able to move it around to the different coasts; we've discussed what special surprises and guests. We get a discount on our ticket for making the arrangements - and that is NO secret. We get a discount for working on it in many different ways that include answering questions, hauling supplies & equipment, and keeping up with some of the reservations problems. It appears that there are those who want to rip it up. It appears that there are those who want to take the joy out of it. It appears that there are those who can't stand for someone to have hope and to be blessed. It was SUPPOSED to bring people together, but some people are using it to crush other people.

I just HATE that one of the nicest people I know was slammed for helping me out. I just HATE it that a young woman with big ideas was slashed for trying to push ahead through some pretty tough trials. I just HATE knowing that she is in tears because of people she considered friends.

BUT most of all, I HATE that the source of this is from people we considered to be "one of our own" in the battle against Heidi Diaz.

Who's the next target?

The Cruise Happened

2008-03-08T19:52:00.000-08:00

We did it. We took that cruise. People said it wouldn't happen. There were many posts that hoped that people could get their deposits back because the cruise wouldn't happen. HAH! We went and we had an absolute blast. And you know what? We barely mentioned Kimkins, Heidi Diaz, or any of the scandal. I think I made one comment about all of us coming through quite a strange journey to finally get on the ship ... but there we were. Sitting on that ship at dinner looking all shiny and smiley, there was barely a whisper of KK. We had moved on.

Wow. Moved on.

.... and now we are talking about the "next" cruise in 2009.

As it turns out, the wonderful people on that ship were regular every day normal people. They were kind and open and friendly... and just like ALL the rest of us, struggling with diet and health issues. Kind people. People who did NOT deserve to be misguided by a scam artist who was only in the diet businesss for personal gain. I am so thankful that there have been other wonderful people who have created places for the support and encouragement that we all need. AND with a healthier way of eating and safer advice.... and all for free.

If you have come out of kimkins and you still do not have your feet on the ground, don't lose heart. Don't give up. You CAN get the support that you need and the advice, and the diet, and all that stuff that you need to continue the journey ... without any unhealthy side affects. It might take a few posts here and there to find the right "fit" but it is out there. DON'T give up ... DON'T waste another ounce of energy lamenting what was ... MOVE UP and MOVE ON. IT IS POSSIBLE to get on a healthy low carb way of eating without hunger. It can be done. It just takes a little while. WE ARE A GOOD, CARING GROUP OF PEOPLE ... and you can learn to trust again.

P.S. I read AmyB's blog of yet ANOTHER "trash and burn" PM by kimmer. VERY VERY sad. I am thankful for the low carb community that has reached out to encourage AmyB and to let her know that there are more of us out here that understand and support her.

Cruise Photos - Cozumel

2008-03-02T05:21:00.001-08:00

Something good came out of KK

2008-02-29T10:44:00.000-08:00

Yeah... something good. I met some really truly wonderful friends. Forty six of us just got back from the cruise. What a fantastic time. If it weren't for Kimkins many of us would have never met and I am so glad that we did. I was amazed that this group came from all over the world to meet for the first time and we were all so thrilled and excited to find out that we had so much in common.

We had a blast on the cruise. It was fun trying to recognize people from their photos online. From the excursions ... the evening meal ... to the Kamikaze karaoke we all just acted like old friends. At our group meeting Christin shared with us about changing our relationship with food and learning to savor our bites and not just "hork" it down. Jimmy and Christine were so much fun and very entertaining. Everyone was sad to see it end. Grayma Deb had made us some very nice matching T-shirts -- thanks DEB!! Just so much went on and there are so many great stories that it will take a few weeks to share all of it. I have a PowerPoint presentation of our before/after pictures, but I've got to try and figure out how to convert it to a "movie" so that it can be posted for everyone to see. (suggestions??)

SO MAKE A NOTE... 2009 could bring another cruise. Start saving your money if you are interested.

KIMKINS IS "MALNUTRITION"

2008-01-25T21:22:00.000-08:00

My hip joints have been aching. Both of them. Sometimes the pain is so intense that I cannot sit or lay down but must walk around for a while. I take ibuprophen to try and ease it a little. I've NEVER had this before.

So... I did a little research and the following excerpts are what I found. I have marked the symptoms that I have or have experienced.

http://www.healthtouch.com/bin/EContent_HT/cnoteShowLfts.asp?fname=02055&title=MALNUTRITION+&cid=HTHLTH

(excerpts from above link)

What is malnutrition? Malnutrition (mal-noo-TRISH-un) occurs when you do not get enough calories or nutrients to keep you healthy. Nutrients are protein, fat, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals. Malnutrition may make your body weak. It may cause health problems such as trouble fighting infections and healing.

What are the signs and symptoms of malnutrition? Malnutrition usually develops in stages over a long period of time. Signs and symptoms may not appear until the later stages of malnutrition.
Some early signs and symptoms of malnutrition may include:
Irritable (bad mood) and tired.
Slower growth than normal, or no growth (in children).
Weight loss.
Later signs and symptoms of malnutrition may include:
Bone or joint pain, and weak muscles.
Bloated abdomen and swelling in other parts of the body.
Changes in the skin and hair.
Brittle and spooned nails.
Dry, scaly skin.
Hair loss.
Skin and hair change color.
Loss of appetite (not hungry).
Slow wound healing and easily get infections.
Sunken temples (sides of the head).

AND THIS ONE: http://www.labtestsonline.org/understanding/conditions/malnutrition-2.html

Signs and Symptoms: General malnutrition often develops slowly, over months or years. As the body’s store of nutrients is depleted, changes begin to happen at the cellular level, affecting biochemical processes and decreasing the body’s ability to fight infections. Over time, a variety of symptoms may begin to emerge, including:
Anemia
Weight loss, decreased muscle mass, and weakness
Dry scaly skin
Edema (swelling, due to lack of protein)
Hair that has lost its pigment
Brittle and malformed (spooned) nails
Chronic diarrhea
Slow wound healing
Bone and joint pain
Growth retardation (in children)
Mental changes such as confusion and irritability
Goiter (enlarged thyroid)
Specific nutrient deficiencies may cause characteristic symptoms. For instance, vitamin B12 deficiency can lead to tingling, numbness, and burning in the hands and feet (due to nerve damage), a lack of vitamin A may cause night blindness and increased sensitivity to light, and a lack of vitamin D can cause bone pain and malformation. The severity of symptoms depends on the intensity and duration of the deficiency. Some changes, such as to bone and nerves, may be irreversible.

IRREVERSIBLE??

THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS. THIS IS WHAT MANY OF US ALLOWED HEIDI DIAZ TO SHOW US HOW TO DO.... because after all "she lost 200 pounds and kept it off for 5 years with NO problems".

..... it's getting close, Heidi. You still think that you have done NOTHING wrong? hmmm...

KIMKINS HURT MY FRIENDS.

2008-01-24T07:35:00.000-08:00

One had surgery on her gall bladder.

One got dizzy and passed out and broke her foot.

One has to wear wigs ALL OF THE TIME.

One is majorly depressed.

One is having to constantly defend herself to others.

One was accused of immoral conduct.

One is secretly still doing KK because they are scared and have now developed "anorexia" as a result.

One has shed many tears from the loss of friends.

One is bitter and angry over the lies.

One has developed joint problems from malnutrition.

.... the list goes on.

ARE YOU GETTING IT YET? ARE YOU STILL IN DENIAL? DO YOU STILL BELIEVE?

Put a silk scarf on a cow... it's still a cow.
Put a new cover on a book ... it's still the same content.
Try a new PR tactic... it's still just a tactic and NOT the truth.

Once again, Heidi Diaz, it is inevitable ... You chose the path so don't wonder WHY you will be prosecuted.

KIMKINS HURT MY METABOLISM

2008-01-23T06:48:00.000-08:00

I am on day #24 of NO SUGAR. I have been eating low carb and keeping a very close eye on my ratio's. I've been trying to keep my calories over 1,000; my carbs under 20 grams; my protein over 65 grams; and my fat over 45 grams. I am only 5 feet tall and I am over 50, so from everything that I have researched and read, my diet is pretty good for "losing".

I have not lost anything.

Well, let me take that back... I have gained and lost the same 5 pounds every other day. AND I cannot say that I am consistently losing inches, because one day the shirts are tight, the next day they are slightly looser than before. And on it goes.

I am exercising at least MINIMUM 3 days a week (combination of walking, bicycling, and light weight training -- some times more than 3 days). I am drinking a normal, moderate amount of water. I am taking a multivitamin daily. I AM DOING EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW TO DO. I have motivation because I am going on the Low Carb Cruise.

STILL.... nothing.

The ONLY thing that I know is that my metabolism is messed up. With no medical explanation the only conclusion that I can draw is that it is from doing kimkins. I wonder how long it will take... what will it take? ... to get it back to normal?

Here is what one expert has to say:

One of the biggest factors in metabolism is actually what we eat. If you’re fasting or on a very low-calorie diet, (kimkins? oh yeah) odds are you have slowed down your metabolism to the point that you still aren’t losing a lot of weight even though you’re miserable from not eating.
The body needs nutrients and calories in order to work properly, and a lot of research seems to indicate that eating more often is better than eating only a couple of meals a day. That’s because it takes energy (calories) to digest and process food, and it keeps blood sugar levels more even when you eat regularly, which also keeps you feeling full. (http://diet.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Cause_of_Low_Metabolism )

And another one says:

Metabolism and Weight LossWhen a person suddenly stops taking in the amount of calories to which they are accustomed their body responds by slowing their metabolism. The body will act as if it is starving, which sometimes it is. Metabolism is the rate at which a person's body burns the calories needed to function normally. It is for this reason that rapid weight loss programs don't work in the long run. The body responds to the plunge in calorie intake by slowing the metabolism so that it can continue to operate on fewer calories. The dieter will hit a plateau in weight loss, which for some people stimulates a frustrating pattern of weight loss and gain, known as yo-yo dieting. Repeated attempts at rapid weight loss can permanently slow a person's metabolism, making weight loss harder with each diet. Generally, diet plans that are well balanced and do not fall below 1200 calories a day are manageable. (www.womenshealth.org)

How many times did we hear "Starvation Mode is a myth!"? How many times did we lower and lower our intake to UNREAL levels? Can you say eating disorder? BUT EATING DISORDER was explained away like this --

We are over weight because we have been eating out of order -- in excess. SO in order to reverse the process we must go in the opposite direction -- in deprivation -- in order to affect a change.

OH how logical that sounds. BUT IT ISN'T! Nutritionists, researchers, and even Dr. Atkins have said that we don't have to starve to lose. BUT we all dismissed that. After all, Kimmer had lost 200 pounds and kept if off for over 5 years. AND according to Kimmer she suffered NO repercussions from this way of eating. And oh the euphoria of practicing anorexia... there is a high from it. Being "in control", losing weight, denying urges, and the support of other "lost sheep" was very powerful.

Back to my metabolism... it looks like it might take a long time to undo 8 or 9 months that I was on kimkins. Thanks Heidi. Your day in court is coming and trust me lady, you WILL reap what you have sown.

Kimkins Ugliness Continues

2008-01-19T18:39:00.000-08:00

I am a Mom of 4; wife of 1; grandmother to 3; sister to 2, an aunt, a leader, a friend, a counselor, a missionary, a musician, and many more labels and hats.

I had such a wonderful weekend. My sister, who is still dealing with the loss of our mother, rode with me on a little road trip. It was good for both of us. We hadn't got to spend much time together lately and she really needed to just smile for a while. We went to a couple's home who were so gracious. They made a great dinner for us and we spent the evening watching a fantastic DVD from a church meeting they had attended. The title of the sermon was "About this same time tomorrow, things are gonna change" ... it was good. The next morning we got up, had our coffee, and the husband read part of a book about Ruth (from the Bible) to us. We met up with some other friends at the mall ... NOTHING like friends, the mall, and great coffee! hahaha

So guess what?

"Kimkins" reared it's ugly head. Someone posted some really nasty comments, lies, and hateful things on the web. They were things about the sweet people with whom I was chatting and shopping and about me. I didn't read the posts .... only heard about them. Ugly, hateful, evil things were said. So sad. We tried to just laugh it off. I think I made a few jokes about it. No truth at all in the comments so they weren't worth the waste of energy to even bother to read them.

I got home this evening .. and I started thinking about it. And wondering why someone would say such ugly lies. So that sermon "ABOUT THIS SAME TIME TOMORROW, THINGS ARE GONNA CHANGE" came true. I had been distancing myself from the whole "kimmer" experience to just leave it behind me ... and there it was again. HEY... GIVING NOTICE! I'm back in the fight... but in a smarter way.. my attitude has changed. I'm not afraid of you anymore Heidi Diaz.

... THE WEAPONS OF OUR WARFARE ARE NOT CARNAL, BUT MIGHTY THROUGH GOD FOR THE PULLING DOWN OF STRONGHOLDS ...

The battle has shifted to a new arena. I'm in.

I have a fitday journal to prove that I attempted to follow kimkins. I was not a "good" kimkinite because I could never keep my fat ratio's as low as I was encouraged to. I tried.. and failed... I stalled... etc. What did it take to finally begin to lose? Chicken broth, egg whites, diet sodas, and Phillips Caplets. (WHICH other kimkins members suggested and then applauded my results! I was finally able to be a losing kimkins member! Kimmer herself congratulated me in my journal.)

THE OTHER RESULTS?
-- hair got thinner, but it wasn't so noticable because I HAD really thick hair
-- dizzy spells, but I actually enjoyed them because it meant that I was "losing"
-- SNATT, OH YEAH... it was a "badge" of honor!
-- heart palpitations, but I thought perhaps that was just because I didn't exercise and was just out of shape
-- DRY skin... my heels would actually peel, my nails were very brittle and would break often into the quick
-- ringing in the ears
-- jaw & neck cramps

AND NOW?
-- still have thinner hair
-- still have occasional heart racing
-- hip joints ache .. alot
-- anxiety attacks

TRUTH is -- My husband does not want me to join the lawsuit. This is something that I will not argue with him about and I must respect his wishes. BUT this will not stop me from helping get the word out there that Kimkins needs to be shut down so that maybe people will look elsewhere and find.... THE HIGH ROAD.

2008 - New Beginnings

2007-12-13T10:45:00.000-08:00

2008 has been labeled the "Year of New Beginnings" by several sources that I have found. 2007 was supposed to be a year of "completion" and I found that to be true. Many things came to a close. SO I am excited about the new year.

ONE of the things that I am most excited about is that "darn" cruise! hahahaha FINALLY we can see it about to happen. FINALLY we can all meet up. What is interesting is the fact that things have changed so much. It was all about celebration & the "KK CLUB". I really feel like NOW it will be about "closure" and encouragement and recommitment to a healthier lifestyle.

SO THERE YOU ARE -- things to look forward to. Forgetting those things which are behind and pressing forward.... ;)

A YEAR OF NEW BEGINNINGS!

Where do you go after Camelot?

2007-11-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

Went to "Biggest Loser" ... they wanted money to join. Been there, done that.

Went to "My Daily Plate" ... they wanted money to join. Not gonna do it.

I've paid hundreds and thousands of dollars on weight loss. I cannot justify paying more money. I am through paying for "friends". Kimmer ruined me on that one. I'm still bitter. I miss my friends. I miss the excitement. I miss the confidence and the joy and the fun. I looked forward to entering my journal/diary; I looked forward to seeing how everyone else was doing; I loved getting to know other people from across the country (and across the ocean). It is gone. I hope that Heidi Diaz is stopped and has to reap what she has sown. She has NO CLUE how her deception has hurt others.

I feel lost. I'm slowly gaining. I grasping at every weight loss thought and wondering what diet plan I can "recycle" and get back into gear. I am once again spending way to many brain cells thinking about food & diet. My size 8's no longer fit. I'm back into the 10's. AND there isn't anything larger so if I can't do something I'm going to be in trouble. Everyday is a struggle to get up and get out the door. Everyday is a challenge to face the world, while inside I am feeling like a failure and so out of control.

I'm waiting for the next thing. I am stumbling in the dark looking for the switch to turn the light on. I know the room, but it's been rearranged.

High Impact, Low Maintenance?

2007-10-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

... or HIGH Maintenance and LOW impact?

I want to be a person who can influence and help others rather than always needing someone to "stroke" me and validate me... thus the HIGH impact, LOW maintenance.

It is the seemingly insignificant things that we do that can often have the biggest impact on others. But these things only take a FRACTION of a moment in time.

... a kind word
... a hug
... a phone call

Today, my insignificant thing that had a big impact on my day was some kind words from an "on-line" friend. Thanks friend.

A Lonely Life Lost

2007-10-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

Richard took his life.

This morning I called my sister and she told me the news. Richard was a friend of my nephew. He was supposed to be my nephew's best man at his recent wedding but Richard couldn't make it because he didn't have transporation.

Richard's mom died from cancer 2 months before he started college. Richard's dad was out of the picture almost immediately. Richard never told anyone. He would show pictures and say, "That's my mom." but he never mentioned that she was gone. Richard struggled in college. Richard got a job as a driver, but he had an accident and the lady sued him for damaging her car. He owed money that he couldn't pay. He had no car & now no job. He took a second job to try and pay the debt, but when an angry customer didn't like the product they had purchased they took it out on Richard with loud anger. His new boss sent him home early.

Richard bought 2 pizzas on his way home from work and ate them for his last meal. He then walked to the graveyard, wrapped his arms around his mother's headstone, and took his life. He wanted his mom.

I weep for Richard.
I pray for those left behind who are buried in guilt.
I'm calling my children to let them know how valuable they are to me!

Richard's Myspace and his farewell post.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=2893141

I'm not the only one

2007-10-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not the only one feeling like my previous post. I must say that I am feeling a little better. I'm forcing myself to push ahead. I am forcing myself to overcome. I CAN to all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

If you are suffering from emotional pain caused by the kimkins scandal, please know that you are not alone. Please writing and keep trying and keep searching and keep believing that you CAN become what is in your heart to become.

To my online friends, you mean a great deal to me and have been there for me with GREAT online support. Thanks... and let's all forget those things that are behind and press toward the mark for the high calling .... in Christ Jesus.

Emotional Damages from Kimkins

2007-10-08T05:19:00.000-07:00

I'm still fractured. I'm still in pieces. I'm still trying to find my way.

I'm fighting to find my way and to get back on a plan... a plan that will work for me. I HATE the contant cravings. I HATE that my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night is about food. HATE it. I fell like kimkins has left me with my metabolism really screwed up, my blood sugar all confused, and my mind in a fog.

I'm trying to formulate a plan, but I don't want to post it because I don't want to risk criticism or at the worst, failure.

There has been a lot of talk about the health risks that KIMKINS will cause (has caused) but that has not been my issue. MY ISSUE IS THE EMOTIONAL RIP inside. I am bouncing up and down with depression and fear and anxiety. Will I gain it back? will I make it? Can I find my way?

In a nutshell, my mom died... I gained up to my biggest ... I dieted and fell and lost and fell and seemed to make NO progress ... then I "did" kimkins. I lost quickly and I thought about how proud my mom would be. My victory was wrapped up in the fact that my mom would have been so proud of me. This is the deep part inside that I didn't discuss with everyone. Yes I did it for "me", but deep down and more importantly for me, my mom.

I'm not as interested about the health concerns (YES these are huge concerns, but I am talking about MY experience and since I did not have any health problems I am addressing another issue). My whole problem has been the emotional upheaval. I was lied to... I was decieved ... I am embarrased that I recommended this to other people. I am ashamed that I would "correct" other people who said, "That doesn't sound to healthy."

I feel....
scared
sad
depressed

I don't want to get up in the mornings (eat? don't eat? cream in my coffee?)
I don't want to clean up and put on makeup. (Is it any use?)
I don't want to get dressed. (Will my shirt button? will my clothes fit?)
I don't want to go outside my door. (Will others see that I am gaining ... again?)

Everything feels upside down and there is only one thing that I can do.

KEEP TRYING

I must find the road again. But I am so TIRED of thinking about diet / food / eating / losing / gaining / kimkins / heidi / tippy / diet diet diet.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS.... I am not going to give up. Ever.

Now THAT is something that mom would be proud of.

FROM ANOTHER "COMMENT"....

2007-10-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

You might need to copy and paste the links to view them:

*********************************************************

KTLA News Exclusive! Internet Diet Scam Exposed!

http://ktla.trb.com/news/local/

Here's a link directly to the video:

http://tinyurl.com/2sd5hx

Here are the Private Investigator's notes!!!

http://tinyurl.com/2vs4p7

Here's the transcript from the broadcast:

http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/9295713-post166.html

Perhaps the folks at Woman's World and People Magazine would like to know about the added publicity they will be receiving now?

Let them know!

Woman's World Editor ~ DearWW@aol.com

People Magazine Editor ~ editor@people.com
************************************************************

VIDEO, INTERVIEWS, AND ANSWERED PRAYERS

2007-10-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

HERE IS THE REAL PROOF. LISTEN TO HER VOICE WHEN SHE SPEAKS. THIS IS THE SAME VOICE FROM JIMMY'S INTERVIEW. THIS IS TO BE A SERIES WITH ANOTHER STORY TONIGHT.

KTLA TV expose

Memories of my Mom

2007-10-03T05:26:00.000-07:00

I dont' know why my thoughts are flooded with memories of my mother this week. She died in April of 2005. I miss her. This morning I posted on my challenge board:

I was with my mom when she went into hospice. I carried my keyboard into the room. Before they put her in a medically induced coma (great regret) ... I would play and sing. She was very restless until I started singing. She would get so still and smile. It was a very nice memory. When she took her last breath I quickly looked up and waved and said, "Bye mom.". I wonder if she saw me as she floated above the room headed towards the light and into the arms of her Savior? ... you betcha. Great peace filled the room.

There are all kinds of issues in this life. We grow and learn and seek and fall and get back up ... and we keep going. IN THE BIG PICTURE, some things are not worth fretting over. In the HUGE realm of things, there is only one question that all of us will be asked. Did we know Jesus as our Savior?

I hope that the dangerous parts of kimkins are corrected. I hope that they are making changes for the better for their members. I pray that no one has any permanent dangers from following the diet. But more than that, I pray that Heidi Diaz, Delany, and TippyToes find and display honesty and integrity in ALL that they do. I pray that what is done in "darkness" will be revealed by the "Light". I pray that truth will be revealed and that those people who are called by God's Name will have discernment as they are seeking a way to get the weight off and get healthy.

Twisted Excuses to fit the need

2007-10-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

Posted at : http://kimkinsdangers.blogspot.com/

This is a quote from TippyToes post at the kimkins website. This is only part of the post. Click on the above link for the entire post.

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"We have also removed the cruise info. We have decided that a cruise would present a safety hazzard for Kimkins members as well as staff. However, rest assured we have some new gathering ideas in the works for next year. What we have in mind will be better and will geer (Hazzard?)(Geer?) more in tuned with Kimkins diets than an all you can eat fest cruise. I have cruised many times and it is not possible in my opinion to not gain some weight. So we are making positive changes in this area as well." (What really happened here is that Regandy decided to continue planning the cruise but BREAK all ties with Kimkins! Regandy asked for the cruise info to be removed, KK didn't decide to remove it!)"

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I didn't save my posts at kimkins. I don't have kimmer's posts where she praised the cruise. I didn't think I would have to defend the cruise.

1. "Safety Hazzard"? -- From who? From what? That doesn't make sense to me. What are they trying to accuse me of? Are they trying to sensationalize and create fear?

2. "all you can eat fest cruise" -- This was addressed several times in the cruise threads, that are probably not there anymore. Kimmer had mentioned in one of the replies that it was about enjoying ourselves and that we could get back on plan when we got back. We also discussed "portion control" that is served in the dining room AND we all talked about staying away from ONE place -- the 24 hour pizza parlor. Tippy just got back from a cruise. She should know first hand that there are LOTS of things to do other than "eat".

3. "impossible to not gain weight" -- On my last cruise I gained 5 pounds. The week that I got back I lost that 5 AND 4 more pounds ... Yep, you might possibly gain weight. Is anyone afraid that you might not be able to get back on the diet and lose it? Is anyone afraid to practice "maintenance"? To me this is just another excuse.

Yep, this was a good idea as long as it was "kimkins". NOW all of the sudden it is a bad idea? Sometimes it is just better to let something fade out than to make up a thin story and present concocted excuses. I wish that I had copies of those posts where Kimmer was all for the cruise.

You know what? It hasn't changed my plans.

BUT it is just more EVIDENCE of the deception. They are doing the exact thing that they used to accuse others of doing.

Sour grapes.

Schizophrenic Diet?

2007-09-29T05:13:00.000-07:00

My business is now finished with kimkins. The cruise money has been returned in full.

There have been several of us who have discussed the "transition" away from the very unsafe practices of the kimkins diet. We can't help thinking though that there might be a little bit of truth in the heap of deceit that is at kimkins. We are starting a group to try and make the mental transition to adding healthy fats to our diet. The "truth" ... the only truth, perhaps ... is the food list. Those foods eaten in healthy quantities are healthful. I guess you could say it wasn't so much the "form" of the diet but rather the "methods" being practiced. It was the old "less" is more... the less you ate the more you could lose. DUH? .... but at a great expense.

But there is the constant nagging fear of over eating again and gaining. It seems odd to me that this feeling is so strong... stronger than with any other diet I have ever tried. Usually when I got off a diet I didn't care what I ate... I was just off the diet! This has been different. I have to fight my urges to "starve", skip meals, fast, and deny myself. It's as if my mind is thinking that it is either all or nothing at all. I've got to find the middle ground where I am eating enough nutrients AND still losing the weight.

It can get very confusing. Weight Watchers is eating the "correct" variety of foods all the time. The Weigh Down Workshop diet is to eat only when hungry, which could be once per day. Slim Fast is 2 shakes and a healthy dinner. Weight Loss Surgery causes you to eat small quantities. Low Carb is eat as much fat, but keep carbohydrates low. Argh.. I feel like a diet schizophrenic.

I'm not giving up. I'm not quitting. I will see 135 pounds. I will settle and maintain that weight because it is perfect for my heighth and age. It's coming.

Kimmer wants honesty up front

2007-09-27T10:46:00.000-07:00

I said that I wanted nothing "private" when it comes to Kimmer/Kimkins/Heidi. I don't want anything springing up later that could be misconstrued in any way.

I sent a reply to Kimmer via email which only contained a link to this blog.

Here is her response (the other "Becky" is referring to Littlebit):

No need to be snippy Becky. I know you and Becky have an alliance and the private school connection. No problem to me. I would have just preferred honesty upfront, that's all.I wish you well. :)

Honesty up front? Hmmmm ... Can anyone interpret that for me? Anyone? Anyone?

Kimmer, I wanna be free

2007-09-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

You sent me an email and commented: "After the PMs you send me which pretty much said the opposite of what you're posting at Jimmy's, I'm kind of scratching my head about it."

Here is the reason that my early PM's to don't exactly match my posts on recent lowcarb threads. In the beginning I still believed it was a plot. In the beginning I just couldn't believe that it could all be a lie. I still wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

As the days and weeks have passed, more pieces of the puzzle are put together and the picture is now clear. You didn't tell the truth. AND you think that I didn't tell you the truth? (concerning my PM's and my posts matching)

YES, I admit, in the beginning my PM's were still believing in you. As I saw more and more things exposed, I began to be careful about what I wrote... as you wrote in the email, " There's no need to "plan your exit carefully", you could have left at any time. You explained to me your reason for leaving, although you don't need a reason at all. Kimkins isn't a prison."

Since you had lied about the photos and the weight loss and the foster children, does that not EXPLAIN why I was "careful"? There were some very good friends at kimkins that I didn't want to lose touch with. There were some people depending on me concerning the cruise. When I give my word I will do everything that I can to keep my word.

Of course my PM's don't match my posts.... I got wiser. I saw more proof from MORE than one source.

Which brings me to the last point. MONEY. You sent me $1,500 to pay for 4 admin tickets for the cruise. I sent you $1,000 of that back through paypal (and I have the receipt). I owe you $500. Here is the deal. NOT pretty, but honest. SINCE the payment wasn't due until October, I used the money on purchases (cruise trinkets - $100) knowing that I would have the money when the next payment was due. I HAD NO IDEA that things would change so rapidly and that the money would become an issue. I have told you that I would send it back to you, and I will. I do not expect you to pay for anything connected to the cruise. In the email you mentioned that "Any monies we advanced to you for the Kimkins Cruise should be returned. Please send any receipts/paperwork to Heidi Diaz, 529 N. McKinley #104-309, Corona, CA 92879. Any unreturned cash advance must be reported as personal income per IRS regulations." Please look for a paypal deposit by my next paycheck on the 1st.

I'm not hiding. I want my contacts to be public, that is why I am putting my reply here. I don't want there to be ANY questions concerning my answers.

I want to be free.

2007-09-24T13:07:00.000-07:00

MY Kimmer truth....

I lost quickly as long as I didn't eat. My favorite saying was to 'drink' more than I ate (bouillion, shakes, water, etc). BECAUSE when I ate I couldn't stay away from the "fat". I couldn't do without the cream in my coffee. I fought myself over it for a long time until I gave in and re-interpreted the "just enough fat" to be 45+ grams. I guess most would say that saved my "health". Secretly? hmm.... this is hard. Secretly I wondered if this was what people with Eating Disorders went through... that it was never enough. Secretly I wondered how in the world I was ever going to get into "maintenance". I guess I sort of knew somewhere inside that it just wasn't going to last.

So now I am back on regular Atkins.

But there are still lingering questions.
.......... Why does she lie?
.......... What is it going to take to stop her?
.......... Why did she do with all that money?
.......... How long had she planned this scam OR did it just fall into her lap?
.......... Does she have parents? Are they aware of her actions?
.......... IF everyone knows where she lives now, how come no one has started picketing outside her apartment?
.......... NOW that everyone has her address, how come more people haven't taken more pictures?
.......... Will I ever be as gullible again? ... or as trusting?

AND MY BIGGEST QUESTION: WHO IN THE WORLD IS THAT WOMAN IN THE RED DRESS???!?!?!?!?

I mentioned to someone that Kimkins is like the LOTTERY for the obese. They scrape together all the change that they can in hopes of buying the winning ticket even at the expense of their family ... and their own health. I watch the poorest of people forgo paying bills or buying groceries in order to buy a ticket. They all want a "position" or "comfort" or "recognition".

I have wanted to quit thinking about it. I want to just leave it all alone. But I can't. It haunts me. I think about what all I have done.. everything that I have posted. Did I contribute to it? You bet I did. I never gave solid, direct advice, but I did encourage others to continue with their bad ways. I remember trying to "validate" kimmer because, bless her heart, she took such abuse from LCF. I bragged that "I" had known her since 2001 (might have been early 2002, thinking back). I thought that somehow giving her "roots" -- false roots, nonetheless -- would somehow make it better. I thought about the day that I could say that "I knew her when..."

I gave the web address to so many people. I spread her name among everyone I came in contact with. I even have a couple of friends still there... and I cannot get in touch with them.

Then there is the issue that I dropped LCF and a few friends there because they weren't "with the program". AND then there is the issue of feeling angry at Jimmy Moore for his "about face" not understanding that he was one of the "good guys" as far as seeing through her. I apologize.

It was the most interesting time... for 8 months of my life. Wow, not even a whole year. Seems like longer.

I'm sad that it had to end. I am sad that it wasn't true.

I'm glad that I am not ill. I worry about my metabolism but I know that can be repaired with time. I am thankful to have met some good solid people there.

And I can't help but think that things happen for a reason. There is no "coincidence" -- "All things work together for good to them that love God and are the called according to His purpose." ... ALL things, even this.

Concerning the Kimkins Cruise

2007-09-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Cruising Friends,

SOME of you are aware of the controversy surrounding “kimkins, kimmer, Heidi Diaz” and some of you are NOT. I had sent an earlier letter, but I want everyone to be clear concerning the cruise… once and for all. There are plenty of “blogs” out there to find information on the controversy with just a little searching. I don’t care to read them anymore. It took me a little bit of time, but I’m no longer stressing over it all. I’ve moved on.

The cruise is NOT a “kimkins” cruise. Kimkins was where it was posted because that was my support group (but I was careful to call it Regandy's Cruise and post a disclaimer on the kimkins website). I asked if I could post it in case there were others who would like to go. It grew from there. Several issues have arisen since that time that has prompted me to disassociate the cruise with “kimkins” totally. There are threats of possible lawsuits against her and many questions concerning her identity (leading to questions of integrity). Although I have personally never had any problems, there seems to be many people who have. As I see it, in 5 or 10 years there may not be a “kimkins” BUT, God willing, I will still be living with “me”. I have moved on. I have joined a couple of different diet support groups. I only go to the kimkins website to check personal messages or answer cruise questions.

I was a little surprised when the cruise was published in the last Kimkins Newsletter. There was a misunderstanding between Heidi and me concerning it. I have since emailed her and she has agreed to take the web page down.

At this writing there are still 58 people signed up for the cruise. I have created a topic in a forum at http://www.lowcarbdiscussion.com/ for us to be able to log on and discuss the cruise. Check it out! We can still get to know each other and we can still enjoy our vacation! This can get us back to looking forward again! http://www.lowcarbdiscussion.com/index.php?act=ST&f=12&t=1053

I want EVERYONE to be clear that this is supposed to be an inexpensive and fun gathering of friends and family. There will not be any public conversations or arguments concerning the issue. As far as I know there are no Kimkins admins going (with the exception of one who has contacted me and is totally aware of the situation. She just wants to have a good vacation and meet her friends.)

Many of you have asked about Christin and Deni. They are still signed up for the cruise and are still planning on going. I have found those two young ladies to be very transparent and open. They are strong in their faith and want this to be a time of friendship, fun, and perhaps a little “healing”. There is to be NO controversy in the ocean! Hahaha AND there have been some new folks at other low carb websites that are looking into being able to join us also.

I would ask that you PLEASE email me and let me know if you are still planning on going OR join me at the cruise thread. IF you have changed your mind, you can still get a 100% refund by December 11, 2007.

Thanks,
Becky

p.s. The website I mentioned is totally free. Please forward this to your cabin-mate

2007-09-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

... and then there is this. http://winningweight.blogspot.com/ ... the entire story in 4 pages. It is a LONG blog but very informative.

I'm meeting some lowcarb friends this coming weekend.. face to face ... in the flesh. We are real people and we have lost real weight.

It's about the support.

AND integrity, honesty, & apologies.

Good people do that.

Start Over Every Day

2007-07-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

I read a post where someone was really down on themselves for starting over... and starting over ... and starting over. They said that they didn't want to be "one of those people" who is always starting over. It got me thinking about how I have lost over 70 lbs.

I start over every day.Every day is a NEW opportunity. Every day is another clean slate. Every day! I have NOT been perfect with this way of eating... HEY I HAVEN'T BEEN PERFECT AT LIFE EITHER!! But I'm still living.. and I'm still trying.

I have binged. I have stalled. I have whined. I have pushed. I have cheered. I have cried. I have jumped for joy.I have had some awesome perfect days. I have had some "squeaky" barely get by days. I've had some REBELLIOUS days! hahahaI AM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I HAVE STARTED TOTALLY OVER MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT ON BOTH HANDS.

That is the key. I REFUSE to give up. I REFUSE to think about what I did yesterday or last weekend. I try very hard to keep looking forward.AND....The "weak" days are getting fewer and fewer AND ... farther and farther between them.

Would you beat your child for not walking perfectly within the first months of learning how to take their first step? Would you use as harsh a language with a beginner "reader" as you would for yourself for not doing it perfectly? Would you toss out your child for not brushing their teeth because you have told them at least a dozen times what to do? I THINK NOT!

Give yourself a break!!!If you struggle with "perfection" -- determine to be ONE OF "THOSE" PEOPLE ....... start over every morning. I love a new day!

New day = new chance to get it right.

2007-07-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

This is from my online journal at kimkins -- this was DAY ONE -- scared, apprehensive but very hopeful! ahhhh memories!:

THIS MAY BE THE FIRST DAY OF THIS JOURNAL BUT IT IS CERTAINLY NOT MY FIRST DAY AT DIETING... OR LOW CARBING. This is my year, I can feel it.

Today is Monday. This first day of my work week. I guess in my first thread I need to give some background. I grew up hearing "If you could just lose 5 (or 10, 20 etc.) pounds you could be so pretty ... etc" I heard it so much that I could hear it in my head even when my mother wasn't speaking it. She never meant anything ugly by it, but she wasn't aware of the affect it had on me. NEVER quite good enough, never quite there, never quite perfect, etc etc. My short 5 foot frame showed every curve.

Here is the condensed version: graduated hs at 17 (115 lbs); married at 18 (130); pregnant at 19 (180 tops); mother at 20 (150); divorced at 21 (170); years of single craziness (180); remarried 4 years later (185); had second child (200); 2 years later had gastric stapling (225); ....watch this : divorce (125 - had lost 100 lbs); over next 5-6 years slowly gained (185); *opened my own business - a bakery (190); mom and bakery business partner died of cancer (225) ..... back to square one (and sold business).

*In 2002 I began looking into low carbing; even offered lowcarb baked goods at my store. I have done it all! hahahaha. bars/no bars, processed meats / clean meats, high fat/low fat, etc. (NOT to mention the hundreds of diets I've tried) BUT one thing that I tried that worked every single time was a thing called "meat and egg" hmmmm.

Now this is it. 2007 is my year. I am turning 50. If not now, when? I watched my mother become an "old woman" after she turned 50 - bad eating, weight struggles, no exercise, depression. I don't want to repeat that pattern. Something just "clicked" this year. There is a determination like I have NEVER experienced before. I am walking on the treadmill twice a day for 2 miles a day. I am enjoying "controlling" my food, as opposed to letting my emotions dictate the bad "comfort" choices for me. I choose. I pick. I decide. wow... empowerment.AND I feel so good. I have so much energy. :o

So.... bringing me up to today. I have my 33 oz bottle of water on my desk. I have my chicken breast thawing for lunch. I did my mile on the treadmill this morning. My clothes are loose. (my feet are cccold! - infact, I have been cold almost all weekend ... sigh ... losing my "layers" ;D ) Time to get to work and give the boss his due.

I have 5 more weeks to reach my first goal of 175, which will be that 50 pounds before I'm 50!!

Egg Salad -- PERFECT food!

2007-07-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

The reason I eat so much egg salad is because it is VERY easy to just boil up a bunch of eggs and grab 3 out of the fridge before heading off to work. It is an EASY lunch... or quick grab. BUT WARNING!!! STINKY FOOD!!! I usually light a candle in the office kitchen before I start making it... otherwise the co-workers are coming out of their offices asking, "What's that smeeellll??!?!?! ewwww?!?!" .... sissies! They must not have raised boys... there are worse smells!

MY EGG SALAD
1 whole egg, 2 egg whites
1 TBS Lite Mayo (not Salad Dressing... I'm a "mayo" purist)
1 TBS mustard
1 TBS of chopped dill pickle
dash of pepper & salt

and sometimes instead of dill pickle...1 TBS Picante Sauce (sometimes... optional)

and sometimes instead of lite mayo...1 TBS Light Done Right Ranch Dressing

My Pacifier

2007-07-11T05:51:00.000-07:00

I've been bouncing up and down with my weight at my own "choosing" (eating off plan, out of town trips, etc). I've been serious now for the past couple of weeks and finally saw 149 flash briefly for a day... now, as usual, I will bounce up and down for 2 days until the next whoosh. I was elated to see 149... but also sort of frustrated that I ALWAYS bounce up and down for a few days before it goes down and stays.

Anyway.... it is SO true that it takes LESS FOOD when you weigh less. That has taken some adjusting for me. I'm not satisfied with 6 shrimp.... I want 2 dozen!! (LOVE shrimp). BUT that "satisfaction" is MENTAL... not physical. My body has it's fuel, buy my emotions want attention too! Isn't that interesting? One of the "tricks" that I have been doing.... that I never did before.... is making my beverage part of the "dining experience". I noticed in Kimmer's fitday journal that she always listed some sort of flavored beverage with her meals. My drink was always just an afterthought so I wouldn't choke if I was wolfing the food down too quickly. NOW... I plan the beverage just like I would the rest of the meals. That is something that I can keep sipping on and that fills me the rest of the way up. ( I guess it is sort of like the "pacifier" for the baby when the baby has already finished the bottle and wants to keep sucking! hahahahaha ... there it is! That's where it all came from! hehehehee)

One goal (of many) -- DRINK MORE THAN YOU EAT.

Favorite beverages:
1. Hazelnut & Cinnamon Latte
2. Designer Whey Chocolate Protein Frozen Blender Shake (meal replacement)
3. Crystal Light Grape Drink OR Lemonade
4. Diet Dr. Pepper with a splash of half & half
5. Diet Rootbeer Blender shake with a scoop of Vanilla Protein powder
6. Water with Lime
7. Peppermint Herbal Tea (iced)

Needs a hug

2007-07-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

I am so down today. Lots of reasons -- kids, husband, new job, stress, sleeplessness, headache, bad weather. I'm trying to take very deep breaths and get some oxygen going. I'm trying to focus on some good postivie things. I'm trying to let myself know that this will pass. Just wish there was someone to hold me and just love me for a few minutes. IF I believed in biorithms I would say they are low today. I know that I am just extremely tired and need rest... lots of rest.

I miss my mom.

The big question -- How long did it take you?

2007-07-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

This way of eating that I have chosen has a lot of "rabbits"... people/newbies that are losing fast and want to know how long it has taken everyone. I've been there... I was curious too. BUT I learned that more than that, there was some serious issues and "layers" to get through. so here is my answer:

It has taken me a life time to lose the weight! It took me that long to get serious. It started in earnest when I turned 40, but it was Kimmer who helped me realize the dream -- 50 pounds before I turned 50! (March of 07). My first memories of weight were when I was in 5th and 6th grade and it was "If you just lost that baby fat you would really be cute." Weight & diets have been a part of every aspect of my life.

First blog

2007-07-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

First post. First experience. I've had a lot of "firsts" this year. Not bad for an old woman!

The reason for this blog? Because I have lost 75 pounds and I'm staring maintenance in the face and I want to record every wonderful moment of it. Because I have things to say. Because all the greatest people on the planet kept journals. Because life is good and worth looking at and remembering the milestones.